date: 03.07.2003
entitled: "the great cow god is watching & laughing"

If you think about it, it is kind of amazing how religiously people chew chewing gum. I myself am not exempt from this fact, as I thoroughly enjoy my little sticks of peppermint Orbit every day, as a quick breathe freshener. The lady sitting to my left on the train this morning is also not exempt from this social institution (if it wasn�t considered a social institution before, it is now, because I said so), as evidence by her frantic chewing session between Lexington Ave. and Wall St., and probably continuing through to her final destination somewhere in Brooklyn. This lady, a middle-aged African American lady with full, youthful lips, covered in peach lipstick (just to give you a visual), happened to not only be a gum chewer, but a gum popper. You know the type � where, with every clamp of the jaws, an audible pop/crunch sound is emitted. And it seemed there was some external force which was making her chew quickly and rhythmically, as if she had to power an alternative energy source. She originally drew my attention when she began muttering and talking to herself about how her life was in peril due to the delayed train. But that�s not really important. What IS important is that she began my flurry of observation, at all the people in my peripheral vision who were chewing gum. It really began to confirm my suspicion that we are all really just a bunch of cattle � cows and sheep trapped in human bodies, chewing our curd to satiate ourselves. And this woman was the queen sheep, cracking her gum with sounds coming out of her mouth as if she were eating popcorn. I still don�t understand how people create that effect. Perhaps it has something to do with that rolling jaw motion? I�ll ask the cows next time I�m in Michigan, to see if their grass makes popping noises when they chew it.

song stuck in my head:

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