date: 04.23.2003
entitled: "destiny pulls in the whackos"


things are changing. things are strange. i feel like i'm waiting for something, but i don't know what. well, i'm waiting for the clock to hit 6, and i'm waiting for the weekend to arrive, but i mean i'm waiting for something more. for something big to happen.

during my helluvva commute this morning, i was forced to take a detour. my express train, for some reason, stopped only half way into the union square station, so the entire lot of passengers had to walk through the train, to exit the front, and wait for another subway. the last time i had to do this, someone had jumped in front of the train, and service was temporarily out to investigate the 'accident'. this time, it was apparently a brake problem. so i hopped on the local, keeping my headphones off in order to hear any other announcements. and of course, my magnetic nature to attract the attention of crazy people pulled a crazy man over to sit next to me. i knew as soon as he sat down (even the way he SAT DOWN was eccentric), i should have put my headphones back on. but it was too late, for the train pulled away from the station, and he turned to me and shook my hand with a grin. he uttered something about playing chess, cards, and pool, to which i replied, 'excuse me?' this was obviously going to be a monologue, on his part. he tied his question into a more rhetorical question - 'have you ever plaaanned somethin', you know, worked it out in yo head, and then somethin' come along and get in the way and you say, whoa, whuz that? and then you start to wonder if it was destiny?' i tried to actually converse with the man, to quench his thirst to talk to a complete stranger about destiny, but i don't believe in destiny. do i tell a crazy, chatty man i don't believe in destiny? i muttered something, and he said 'what're you, scared? SCARED RED! (looking at my hair). to which i replied, 'no, i'm just tired. y'know, it's morning.' so he just kept on going, repeating his question, with slight variations. he also talked of his daughters, all of which are older than me, and asked if he looked like bill cosby 'you know, if i was to shave', rubbing his stubble. he then went on to say that he likes to share his experiences with people, 'so as they can learn, you know, i like to pass my information along'. the whole time he talked to me, he nudged my left arm with his elbow, apparently to drive home his points. i was slightly troubled by this man sitting next to me, and i could feel my torso become damp with nervous sweat, under my jacket. yet at the same time, i could tell he was harmless, or at least i hoped he was. i suddenly felt as if i were in some strange film, with a crazy man foreshadowing the end. it occurred to me that what he said about planning something, and then something or someone coming along and messing it up, was exactly what was happening to me at that moment. i had deliberately left a little early for work this morning, hoping to get here on time, instead of 15 minutes late, like i've done all this past week. but no matter what time i've left, i've been late. it was almost like this guy new it. by the time i reached work, i was really pissed that i was a half hour late, sweaty, and had walked 2 subway stops due to ANOTHER delayed train. i cursed the city, i cursed mass transportation, i cursed crazy people, and i cursed the day i moved here. but now that i look back on it, it was just another story to add to my crazy people story collection. i'm sure that won't be the last. i think that man really was foreshadowing my life...

song stuck in my head:
she's lost control - joy division

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