date: 05.29.2003
entitled: "Unemployment"

Alas! The unemployment fairy hath shaken her sparkly wand at my desktop. I've been waiting since December of 2001 to be laid off, but only since February or March of this year did I really start sweating bullets in anticipation. It's not so much the idea of never again returning to godforsaken Wall Street to work, nor the idea of leaving that stuffy, corporate office behind, but the idea that my life has taken a drastic, uncontrollable turn, and my daily schedule completely thwarted. This is Day #1 of the Unemployed chapter of my life, the first full day of not having any obligations, and I am not used to it. I'm not saying it's a terrible thing, since I really wanted to find something else anyway, and summer is almost upon us - what better season to have some time off? But I feel I don't know what to do with myself. If I knew I would be gainfully employed within another three months or so, I would totally kick back and relax, and enjoy every moment of it. But I have no idea what is in store for me, knowing the design job market is very dry. That's the most unnerving thing.

Luckily, my friend Leeann was laid off the day before I was, so we have one another for reassurance, and to keep each other busy during the weekdays. She seems more excited about it than I am, and for good reasons. She wanted out of the architectural field anyway, she can borrow money from her mother anytime she's in a pinch, and she has a few classes she wants to take. I am in the opposite situation. However, we had a nice day today, walking through the MOMA Queens (the size of which was a shocking disappointment), cooking dinner together, and relaxing on my rooftop patio. We have grand plans of heading to the beach in the near future, watching mid-day movies together, and doing other things around the city that fit our unemployed budgets. My diary may take a turn for the better, with many adventures and stories to share, or it may plunge into the depths of fiery boredom, where you would rather scorch your feet over open flames than read my diary. We shall see...

song stuck in my head:
Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division

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