date: 10.17.2002
entitled: "Remy Red Liqueur Licks MTA Workers' Behinds"

The subways have been home to Remy Red Liqueur ads for quite some time now. And, oh yes, I know you New Yorkers out there know what I�m talking about. The ads feature highly air brushed women wearing three inches of makeup and dressed for some bullshit cocktail party, floating through a luscious, red, liquid world. Their arms extend, grasping for a mixed drink, containing none other than the delectable Remy Red. Next to each mixed drink image, they have thoughtfully included the recipe for that drink. And, aaah, the slogans they have included: �It�s like when you saw the perfect sunset, from under the perfect palm tree�. There is also one that�s something like, �It�s like when you found the perfect shade of red for your hair�. Obviously, the misogynistic advertisers are trying to target women. However, this morning, I noticed some subversive subway passenger(s) had not only added their own slogan to the ad, but had found the exact same font, printed out large sticker-banners with nearly the same red background hue, and plastered them over the original slogans. Clever! And they actually did a good job of improving the ads. This is what it said:

�IT�S LIKE WHEN EVERYONE ABANDONED FEMINISM, GAVE IN TO ADVERTISING, AND GOT DRUNK�.

Need I say more?

I then began wondering how much these companies pay the MTA to advertise on the subways. It must be a butt-load, especially since the banners stay up there throughout changing seasons. So then I began to wonder how it is that they are soon raising fair prices to $2.00 per ride? Maybe they�ve calculated the effectiveness of aforementioned Remy Red advertisements on area women to be extremely high, leading to higher birth rates throughout the city, due to drunken women stammering home all hot-and-bothered, and getting knocked up by their eager hubbies, thus increasing the population, and consequently, commuter traffic. Oh, but hopefully they�ve taken into account the sheer volumes of women who will be vomiting on the train, due to the sickeningly sweet liqueur and that nice, rumbling, rocking-back-and-forth motion, thus forcing the MTA to increase clean-up staff and salaries. Shit, they may need to raise it to $3.00 per ride. I�m game, aren�t you? BOTTOMS UP!

song stuck in my head:

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