date: 09.08.2003
entitled: "JOB is to (blank), as BOYFRIEND is to (blank)"

wow. 38 days since my last post. i have almost reached alleged jesus status! i should actually wait 2 more days, to see if i can go a whole 40 without some veggiedog action. too late.

today, i applied to 3 job postings via fax and email. i will not get a response from any of them. i feel like the whole design profession are just being a bunch of bitches. JUST LET ME WORK ALREADY! i don't think it's too much to ask for. it's very discouraging and stupid to respond to so many NY Times job listings, and monster.com listings, and Yahoo!HotJobs listings - they get hundreds of responses per day, and i get no replies. why would they pick me out of hundreds of other people? i'm sure if they were to actually MEET me, and these hundreds of other 'interior designers' from artsy-fartsy east coast schools who have no real concept of working in the field, they would actually consider me as a final candidate. but to send out your resume left and right is really futile. i only do it to appease the unemployment office. the only real way to find a job is cold-calling. the thing is, that's really time-consuming and gives you a headache after a while. and it makes you want to chuck a butcher knife at the phone when you hear 'no, we're not looking to fill any positions right now' 15 times a day. I'LL GIVE YOU A FUCKING POSITION TO FILL, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. and the only interesting jobs i've seen listed are for part-time, or contractual work, because people who do cool designs for worthy projects can't afford to hire a bunch of full time employees and give them benefits. so wait, WHY haven't we adopted social health care? hmm, it must be that there are a bunch of IDIOTS out there who keep voting republican. or democrat, for that matter. fuckers. but that's a whole other issue.

HOLD ON. i need some peanut m&m's.

ok, so i was thinking that perhaps i should just start to not care that i don't have a job. play a little reverse psychology on those design firms. i've likened this whole experience to that of a break-up of a 2 year relationship (with my old job). it really does feel similar: i don't want to go into the neighborhood where my old job is located, as it will open a flood gate of emotions. i think about calling old co-workers, but shy away, feeling inadequate and embarrassed. i find myself telling stories of my old job, to relate to people's conversations of their present jobs ('when I was working...'). I feel like there is just no job out there that i would ever be completely happy with, and that would help me grow as a person.

and so maybe i will let the same thing happen that always eventually happened after not having a boyfriend for a while. i will develop my own routine, as an individual. i will hang out with friends more. i will stay out late. i will gain that independence back, and even that gutsiness. i will relish the idea of not having to look good for anyone but myself. i will go to the bar, or the grocery store, or the copy place wearing no makeup and a ratty t-shirt, and that is where my life will change. i will meet someone when i am totally off-guard, and acting completely natural. and that someone will sweep me off my feet with stories of elaborate designs, and a friendly work environment, and a great location in the city surrounded by lots of veggie restaurants, and an ungodly salary with paid vacation and health benefits up the twat. and GODDAMN it, it figures, now that i am completely happy with where i'm at, and with my joblessness, and with sleeping in 'til 10 or 11am, this great opportunity will come along. do i let that happen, or do i keep pining away, dabbling with loser interviews, and being miserable? which one hurts less?

song stuck in my head:
some jingle from another stupid television show about medical Residents

<< | >>

notes
profile
archive
diaryland
next entry
current entry
previous entry